Message from S.

Hey ladies (and gentlemen?), 

Unfortunately I will not be returning to blog anytime soon. I'm not even sure how to summarize the last few weeks in a couple of sentences, here are some key words: engagements, babies, graduation, surprise vacation, Christmas, weddings, and so many plans to make. 

Hopefully I can find the time to come back at some point, until then I will try and continue to keep updated on all my favourite blogs.

Have a Happy New Year! 

Xoxo

S. 

Sorry for being the worst blogger :(

Hey everyone,
First of, sorry for being a crappy blogger and not being consistent with my schedule. I hate inconsistency, but unfortunately I have to dedicate the majority of my time lately to school. After putting all of my energy into papers and projects and presentations I have no energy left to write for this blog which majorly sucks. I have about three weeks of classes left, so for those weeks my posts will be up randomly whenever I can find the time to write, and after that I'll try to be more consistent again. Working full time and going to school full time is a bitch.
Thanks for understanding and hopefully you'll continue reading! I love all the comments I get even if I haven't responded to all of them.
Xo,
S

Bonus Post - Nate's POV: I fucked up

** I know I don't do bonus posts ever and I'm sorry for that. I generally don't have enough hours in the day to get everything done, so I don't have time to do a lot of extra writing. Here is a bonus post, my first ever I think, from Nate's perspective. If the formatting is weird it's because I posted off my iPad for the first time and I have no idea what it looks like on an actual computer or on the mobile version. If anything is weird with it I will change it when I am home tomorrow night. Xo, S. 

I left Skye's house feeling like a bag of shit. I felt like I had kicked a hurt puppy and then stepped on its tail just because I could. I sat in my car for a second, trying to gather my thoughts. I shouldn't have met up with Charlie, I know that. And I hadn't done it on purpose. Her and Diane were good friends I just never assumed that's who Diane had invited for dinner. But still, that wasn't an excuse. I shouldn't have let Charlie stay over, I shouldn't have even had dinner with her. None of it looked good, but I had been honest when I'd told Skye that nothing between us had happened. Some idiot pulled up in his douchey back BMW behind me, so, with a final glance at Skye's house, I pulled into the street. 

Somehow I had to figure out how to get Skye to trust me and believe me when I said that I wanted to only be with her. She was funny, and smart, and when she laughed I seriously thought every problem in the world could be solved. And she was stunning. Never in a million years had I thought that I would find purple hair even remotely attractive, on Skye it was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen. I know it sounds cheesy, but i thought about her every second every day. 

"Why do I keep fucking this up?" I muttered to myself, driving out of Seattle towards home. I was lucky enough to be able to afford a house on the edge of the city on a piece of land that gave me the privacy I so loved. Hell, I could afford a hundred properties like that, but the thing about not growing up with money is knowing what it's like to have to live without. 

I knew I had to do something fast, or I was going to lose Skye. And that's something that I wasn't prepared to do. I have never felt like this about anyone in my life. The only woman I even had feelings for (in a very platonic way) was Diane. 

Speaking of Diane, I had to call her. I gave the Bluetooth in my car the command to call her and got lost in my thoughts again as the phone rang.   Skye's hurt expression is something I would never forget, but what really got to me was the disgusted expression on her face when I told her about meeting up with Charlie. Never have I felt worse about anything. 

"Nate? Hello?" Diane's voice came through the speakers. 

"Oh, shit." I turned into my driveway. "What are you doing?" I sounded a lot more grumpy than intended. 

"Who shit in your cornflakes this morning?" Diane laughed on the other end. 

"Are you done monopolizing all of my drivers time?" I pulled up to my garage which opened automatically. 

"Oh, come on, don't be grumpy. I told you I had a work emergency last night." She paused, most likely to examine her more than perfect manicure. "Are you and Charlie back together finally?" 

"You own a clothing store, I doubt there was an emergency. And no we're definitely not together." 

She puffed out a breath over the phone. "Boutique! Not store! And why not? You guys looked so cozy last night. It's all over Twitter." 

I groaned. "Yeah, how is that? Why are there pictures of us?"

"Because you're soooo cute together." She said in a singsong voice that made me want to strangle her a bit. 

"Yeah well thanks to that and Charlie's persistence I seriously fucked things up with Skye." I shut off the engine but stayed in my car.

"Ugh, why do you care so much about her? You know you can do better!" 

"Watch it." I bit out. "She happens to mean a lot to me."

Diane sighed on the other end. "Fineeeee. She's nice, I guess. But Charlie and you are meant for each other."

"I'm done talking about this. I'm not talking to Charlie again. And, Diane, don't try to set me up like that again. I don't want to have to question my trust in you." 

"Woah, Nate. Come on, you know I didn't do it to hurt you. I'm sorry." She didn't sound completely sincere. Diane would never do anything to hurt me deliberately but her actions were sometimes questionable.

"Don't do it again. I have to go." 

"Okay. Let's go for lunch this week. Love you!" Diane hung up cheerfully and I wasn't entirely sure she got my message. I generally sided with my cousin on things, but her trying to interfere with my relationship was something I was not okay with. 

I walked into my empty house from the attached garage. It was quiet, and empty. The house was beautiful, but it was missing any sign of life. I spent as much time here as I could, but working 16 to 18 days in the city kept me from actually living in it. Suddenly feeling exhausted and way older than my 29 years of age, I sat down on the uncomfortable, but stylish, couch and closed my eyes. Things had to change. 

Fool Me Once....

HaPpY HaLlOwEen! Xo

My day with Katie was exactly what I needed. I didn't think about Rheece, I didn't think about Nate. Okay that's a lie, I thought of Nate pretty much the entire day but tried not to let it get to me. And also, I have new hair and it's purple! Well, mostly blonde still but with lots of good sized pieces of a super pretty plum color mixed in. Tash did such a good job! My nails were done in a classic French manicure, and my toes dark red. I ended up feeling pretty good about the whole day, until Katie left to do some prep for her Kindergarten class.

I sat on the couch with Koda on my lap, and burst into tears. That was totally not my style. Sure I cried over the Notebook, and I'm generally a very affectionate person, but I wasn't one for just randomly crying. What interrupted my pity party was my phone ringing.

I looked down to see it was my brother calling and quickly pulled myself together.

"Hey, boo!" I said enthusiastically (totally faking it). Not that I wasn't super stoked about talking to Stevie, I was just in the middle of my pity party.

"Sister! Are you crying?" Damn it!

"No...."

"I'll kick someone's ass."

I laughed genuinely this time. So overprotective of his sister! "I'm fine.  What's up? Are you excited to visit?"

"About that." I could feel fresh tears. If he cancelled on coming for a visit I would seriously just go to bed right now. "I have to work on Sunday, so I can't come."

I sniffles. "Ugh that sucks so bad."

"I know, I'm sorry." He was quiet for a moment. "Sooooo I booked you a flight to come visit us!"

"What? Really?" I squealed.

"Yup. You gotta take Friday off though if that's not too short notice. I registered Koda already too so you're good to go. Mom's sending you the info later."

I felt 100% better. A visit home was exactly what I needed. "Oh my god, I love you. You're the best!"

My brother laughed, obviously embarrassed. "Don't mentioned it. Can't wait to see you!"

"Thanks bro! I'm so excited!!" I had Koda dancing on the couch with me.

"Me too!" Stevie's voice got serious. "No more crying, sis. Whoever it is just isn't worth it."

Best advice I could possibly get. We said a few more things before hanging up, then I called my parents who are so stoked to see me (obviously I'm their favourite, and only, daughter!). After that I called Breanne to tell her I was coming which she already knew because my brother and her were so close.

I spent the next couple hours planning who I would visit and when. Chances are a visit to our one (and only) hometown bar would mean I would get to see everyone from school at once. Breanne said she would plan a dinner with our friends from college, and I was excited to just spend some time with my parents.

I was so excited all of a sudden that when someone knocked on the door I didn't even think about who it could be I just pulled it open. The second my mind registered that Nate was standing in front of my door I slammed it shut again.

"Fuck." I whispered to Koda who stood at the door expectantly.

"Skye, open up. We need to talk." I could hear Nate's voice through the door.

I debated pretending like he wasn't there, but ended up acting like a grown up and opening the door again.

"Pretty sure we have nothing to talk about." I said as coolly as possible. At least I knew I looked good with my new hair and nails.

He looked at my face closely. "What happened to your eyes?"

Of course my mascara and eye liner were everywhere after my little crying session. I quickly wiped away what I could.

"Can I come in so we can talk?"

I shrugged and sat down across the couch on the seat so he couldn't sit beside me. Childish maybe but I couldn't even be close to him right now.

"I saw that you called this morning." He began, sitting down across from me. For the first time I couldn't even think about how hot he is because I was seriously pissed. I said nothing. "I know it looks bad, but it's not what it looks like."

I rolled my eyes. "Please, by all means, explain to me what it looks like then."

He started telling me about how Diane had wanted him to go for dinner with one of her friends and when they met up, Diane ended up having to cancel. So this woman, Charlie, and Nate ended up going for dinner alone. She had too much to drink at dinner so Nate let her sleep on his couch.

After he was done telling me this I got up to grab myself a glass of wine. I didn't bother getting him one. "So you're telling me that this random woman was comfortable enough answering your phone after meeting you for the first time? And that you couldn't have put her in a cab or dropped her off at her house?"

Nate ran his hand over his face. "It wasn't the first time we met." I stayed silent. "We went out a few times a while ago."

My heart felt like it dropped into my stomach. "So you went for dinner and slept with your old girlfriend while you're supposedly trying to date me or whatever this is."

"I didn't sleep with her." He reached for me but I quickly took a step back. "And yes, we are dating!"

"I'm not even sure I care anymore. Do not touch me!" I was seriously over this whole situation. I put my professional reputation on the line, wasted time getting to know him, slept with him, just for him to pretend like I don't exist so he can get together with his ex-girlfriend.

"I told you I don't really know how to handle this whole dating thing. I didn't even date her. I want to be with you." He gave me a pleading look.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, willing this headache to go away. "I can't deal with this right now."

He looked sad but nodded. "I get it. I'm so sorry, Skye. Please believe me that nothing happened other than dinner."

"Okay." I mainly agreed because I wanted to just curl up on the couch with Koda and not think about this anymore.

"I'm going to prove to you that you're the only one I want to be with." He reached for my hand before I could snatch it away. "I'll prove it."

I nodded slowly and he gave me a quick peck on the cheek and then reluctantly left. I wasn't really sure where we were at now, but part of me still had hope that this could turn into something. Fool me once...

Weekend date?

**Sorry for the late post! My boyfriend and I were celebrating our 5 year anniversary and unfortunately I ended up not having time to post this! Anyways, here it is and another one will be up on Friday! 

Xo,

S.

Sunday morning Katie burst through the bathroom door as I was showering. I thought she was still sleeping but apparently not anymore. Chris had gone back over to his house earlier this morning to get some work done. Seriously, no one should work as much as he does.

"You won't believe what I just found." She said, plunking herself down on the toilet seat lid.

"What did you find? Did you hear from Kurtis?" I rinsed the conditioner out of my hair, thinking this had to be about Kurtis' weird behavior.

"Nope, he's still MIA." She took a deep breath and then spoke super fast, "Nate went on a date last night, that's why you haven't heard from him."

I stuck my head out of the shower. "Um, okay...."

"I was scrolling through Twitter and came across some pictures of him with some brunette bimbo and they look pretty cozy." She elaborated handing me a towel without looking up from her phone. "Put this on, you don't need to make me jealous with your perfectly petite little body."

I snorted and wrapped myself up in the towel. "It's probably just Diane."

Katie shook her head. "No, I've seen her before and that's definitely not her." She handed me her phone and I scrolled through several pictures of Nate and this random woman.

Ugh. "I know we're not exclusive or anything but he made it sound like he really wants a shot at being together..." It kinda hurt seeing him out on a date with someone else. Obviously we weren't exclusively dating but we had spent quite a bit of time together and I generally don't have sex with guys who are seeing other people. Ew!

"I'm sorry, babe. I didn't want you to spend all day wondering why you haven't heard from him because that sucks. I want to be on team Nate but he's not making it easy."

"No, I'm glad you showed me. I need to figure out where I stand with him." I went to put some clothes on while Katie hopped in the shower. I sat down on my bed, feeling frustrated. For the first time since I was single I was ready to invest time and effort into a relationship with someone I genuinely liked and so far all that's gotten me lies and hurt feelings. I wasn't really sure if it was worth it.

"You should just call him." Katie came out of the bathroom with a pair of my sweatpants on that were way too short on her. Oh to be tall and skinny. "And put it on speaker phone so Koda and I can hear." She flopped down on the bed and Koda left me to lay on her stomach.

"Isn't it too early?" I was hesitant to always be the one to reach out. Katie shook her head so I dialed his number and put it on speakerphone.

It rang a few times and I chewed nervously on my bottom lip.

"Hello?"

Katie and I froze. That was definitely not Nate's voice.

"Hello?" The female voice said a again.

I was about to double check and make sure that it was actually Nate's number that I had called when I heard his voice asking who it was in the background. Katie's eyes widened and she reached over to hit the end call button. We sat in silence for a while as I was trying to wrap my head around what just happened.

So the date must have gone very well. Thinking of Nate with another woman made me nauseous. Thinking about all the sweet things he's said and done for the last few weeks made me want to cry. Chances are he was saying the exact same thing to this woman.

"Want to go for lunch?" I got off the bed, determined to not think about this.

"Sure. Do you want to talk about what just happened?" Katie asked gently, reaching out to squeeze my hand in such a familiar gesture that it made me feel better instantly.

"Nope." I pulled random clothes out of my closet and settled on dark washed, distress jeans, a plaid shirt, and knee-high dark brown boots.

"Okay. Let's go for a men-are-assholes-brunch and then see if Tash can squeeze us in to get our hair done." Katie planned out.

"And let's go for mani-pedis after." I added on.

"Done and done!" She leaned over and gave me a bear hug. "I love you."

I almost cried. "I love you, too."

And with that our girl day began. #hoesbeforebros

Security System

"Did you lock the door?" Katie asked in a panicky whisper.

"I have no idea. I usually only do before I go to bed." I whispered back. "Ohmygod!"

I heard the door squeak open, and footsteps coming inside. I was 100% sure we were going to die right here, right now. A shadow fell into the entry way, and Katie let out loud, high-pitched scream. My whole body was shaking and I was ready to either run or faint at any second.

"What the fuck? Skye?" I heard Chris' voice and could have cried in relief. He poked his head around the corner and gave us a weird look. "What's with the scream you weirdo? You probably scared Koda out of his nonexistent pants."

We both dissolved into giggles and I explained once I finally caught my breath. "We saw Rheece when we went for a walk and hauled ass back home. We thought it was him knocking at the door. Since when do you knock, you usually just waltz right in?"

"I know but I thought you might have locked your door since the whole Jess and Rheece thing." He explained. "That's actually why I came over here. I saw Rheece's car parked across the street when I came home from work a little while ago. I went outside to see why he was here but he left pretty quick when he saw me coming."

Katie looked worried, her face mirroring my thoughts. "He's seriously fucked up. Skye, you need to be careful."

I wholeheartedly agreed but I also didn't want to have to hide out in my own house just because Rheece decided he had it out for me. I wouldn't even be in this position if Jess hadn't told him my address. "What if I text Jess and tell her she needs to get him to back off?"

Chris opened the fridge in search of a bottle of beer. "It wouldn't hurt to try. After last time though she might just think you're lying."

I pulled out my phone anyways, and typed out a text.

S: Hey Jess. Rheece has been around my neighborhood tonight, please tell him to leave me alone.

We decided to start a movie in the living room so we could all get more comfortable and I was hoping it would ease some of my nerves. Having a nutcase around definitely made me nervous. At least I knew Chris was only a few feet away. Halfway through the movie my phone vibrated. Chris paused the movie while I grabbed my phone off the coffee table.

J: Don't be stupid, he's not in your neighborhood. He's in Portland for business this weekend. Don't text me again!

I read it out loud and we all sat in silence for a moment.

"I'm 100% sure it was him." Chris declared. "I've seen his car before when he picked up Jess and it was definitely the same car. And I could see his face because he was parked close to the streetlamp."

Katie nodded in agreement. "I definitely saw him too. So either she's lying to cover for him, or he's lying to her about where he really is."

"Ugh, I wish I would have stayed out of that situation right from the beginning. What do I do now?"

We thought about this for a moment, our movie forgotten. 

"We should get you a security system?" Chris thought out loud.

"Wouldn't that be too expensive? And I feel like that would make this into a bigger deal than it should be." We all agreed on this and drank more wine while we thought of a relatively reasonable and doable solution.

"You could get another dog." Katie suggested. "Maybe a bigger one with some protective instincts. I mean, Koda is protective of you but weighs 5 pounds."

"Hmm, not a bad idea." I looked at him curled up beside me on the couch, only his nose peeking out from under the blanket. "It would have to be an older one though so Koda and him can just chill during the day."

We spent a while looking up rescue dogs in the Seattle shelter before going to bed. Chris stayed over with us so we felt saver. Our evening was so busy that when I went to sleep, I didn't even realize that I hadn't heard from Nate all day. 

Shady

I put my super fun encounter with Diane into the back of my mind and forgot about it. I figured we wouldn’t be seeing too much of each other, and hoped that Nate wasn't besties with her. I didn’t bring up how awkward I felt at dinner because I didn't want to seem insecure or like I constantly needed attention. Instead I focused pretty much all my energy into my brother's upcoming visits with calls to Breanne (who has known my brother for ever), my parents, and calls and snapchats to my brother. He was still dating that 16 year old girl but we both avoided talking about it.

Katie came over on the weekend and I cooked an elaborate dinner to thank her for being such a good friend. We had tons of wine (like always) and caught up on our crazy busy week.

"So how did you like Kurtis?" Katie asked over dinner.

"He was so sweet. He fit in with everyone right away and was so easy to talk to. Even your brother warmed up to him in the end."

She smiled weakly. "See that’s what I thought too, but we went out for dinner last night and it went great. Then ten o'clock hits and he is outta there. And I mean he muttered some excuse and took off."

I frowned. "What? Why? Where did you go?"

"We went for dinner at Canlis, which was great. You and Nate should go there for a date, it's not that far from here. Anyways, we were just sitting there, hanging out, having some drinks and talking nonstop, but he kept checking his phone. And then at ten he checked it, paid for our bill, and booked it out of there." She shrugged and kept eating. I knew she was secretly feeding Koda under the table but since it was chicken I didn't care.

"That's shady. Have you heard from him since?"

She shook her head. "Nope. I sent him a text asking if everything was okay but haven't heard anything back and that was almost twenty-four hours ago. I mean, I know I met him on tinder so I shouldn't be expecting anything, but I actually like him."

"Hmm, that is weird. And so far he hasn't given you a reason to not like him, so I don't blame you for being into him." I cleared the dishes off the table and topped up our wines.

"Okay, but get this…. Woah, I fed Koda too much chicken." She got distracted for a moment watching him waddle around. "We should take him for a walk."

"Good idea." I tidied up the kitchen and Katie grabbed Koda's leash and our coats. It was still relatively nice out, but with the sun down it was definitely starting to get chillier.

We headed down the sidewalk wanting to stay in the well lit areas because I'm a big chicken and its dark.  Katie continued her story. "My friend from work is on tinder, and apparently she found Kurtis on tinder and he swiped right on her." I gave her a puzzled look. "That means he likes what he's seeing."

"Oh gotcha. Was this recently?"

"Well, she told me about it earlier today, but it happened earlier this week. I know we're not exclusive or anything close to that, but it hurts my feelings that he's still looking for someone else when he clearly has the definition of perfect right in front of him."

We laughed and I was happy that Katie wasn't letting this weigh her down too much. Definitely shady in my books though. "Don’t invest too much time on this if he's being weird like this off the get go. Not exactly the best way to build trust."

"I gotcha." We walked in silence for a while, stopping to let Koda sniff and mark his territory. He barked at random things in the night but in general it was pretty quiet and there wasn't too much traffic.

Suddenly Katie grabbed my hand and squeezed it really hard. "Ouch. Katie!"

"Rheece just drove by." She whispered.

I felt a chill run down my spine. "Where?" I knew his and Jess' condo wasn't anywhere close to here and we weren't exactly by a main road. "Do you still see him? Are you sure it was him?"

"I don't see him anymore. He came up from that way and slowed down." She pointed forwards. "I saw his face when he looked at us."

"I'm thoroughly creeped out." My fingers were still in Katie's grasp and I didn't want her to let go. We decided to turn around and head back home, but we both flinched every time a car drove by us and Koda barked.

We were speed walking by the time we got to my front door and hustled inside. Katie plunked down at the kitchen table and I sat beside her needing a breather.

"Holy shit, that was a little scary. I need to stop watching Criminal Minds by myself, especially when Shemar Moore isn't here to protect me." Katie let out a breath and picked up her abandoned wine class.

"No kidding." I sipped some wine. "Not the same as Shemar, but I'm gonna call Chris."

"Good idea. We can have a sleepover party."

I smiled but my hands shook as I pulled out my phone. I was dialing Chris' number when I froze. "Katie? Someone's knocking on the door."